Sex is really only a three letter word. I thought I would say that in the very first sentence, just to let you know that I really can count. (even though I am horrible at math) However, the reasons we have sex could be four letter words. Like love, or lust. Sometimes we have sex for one or the other or both! But that is not the reason for this post. The meaning I am implying in the title is that we treat the subject of sex like its a horrible, nasty curse word. You know, the four letter kind.
I have experienced first hand our societies aversion to the subject of sex. For me this is especially true when it comes to relatives/family. Because of the nature of my business, I speak very openly about sex, which seems to be a very taboo subject when I bring it up. Mention it in front of some of my kids and you would think I was growing horns out of my head. I completely understand that we do not really want to know the in’s and out’s of our loved ones sex lives, however the topic in an important one. I think it’s about time to change things up. I know that change takes time and I will not likely be around to witness any sort of sexual revolution. But change must start somewhere, and in time, who knows?
The conversation around sex, or lack thereof is one of the number one reasons marriages/ltr’s fail. In fact, sexual and financial problems are the top two. So, one would think that a subject matter so critically important to our happiness would not be shrouded in shadows. I will go on record right now in telling you that sex and intimacy are absolutely necessary for a healthy, happy primary relationship. We all know this…..don’t we? I get the fact that I am generalizing and that there are those of us that experience very satisfactory sexless relationships. But facts are facts. Like it or not we are sexual beings. Whether you believe that we were created by a God, or merely emerged from some sort of primordial soup does not matter. Sex is in our genetics. We seek it out, we lust for it, we crave it and yes….we need it. And what’s more, (kids close your ears) we like it! Boy do we like it.
For Robin and I it is a very open subject. We can discuss it freely with each other and I’m proud to say that we can pretty much talk about anything. We are in complete agreement about the high level of importance this holds for us and our relationship. We both understand that an amazing sexual relationship with each other is critical to our happiness and quality of life.
There are many other psychological and physical items that we could discuss that advocate the necessity of a healthy sex life, but for now I want to do my part in the movement to “socialize sex”.
I would like to provide you with some information about a woman who is on a mission to “socialize sex” in modern society. Cindy Gallop is this woman. In the next paragraphs, I am going to provide you with some links to help you understand what Cindy is pursuing. Fair warning that if you easily offended, just don’t click the links. I find none of it offensive and in fact find it quite informative and exciting, but that’s me.
In 2009, Cindy gave one of the most memorable and talked about TED talks. She shocked the room with her explicit presentation and I would say the livened things up quite a bit. Without going into all the details about what Cindy is doing, lets just say that she is pretty much pursuing a journey to remove the “taboo” around sex. I urge you to check this out and without making snap judgements, do a little critical thinking for yourself. Click the following link to view Cindy’s TED talk. Cindy Gallop 2009 TED talk This little 4 minute talk got quite a bit of attention. The problem that we face is that the attention strongly leaned on the negative side of the scale. This is exactly why we must pursue this cause. I want my children, grandchildren and their children to live an open, honest and exhilarating life, packed with as much happiness and pleasure as humanly possible. And we will never reach this destination if we continue to act like sex is a four letter word.
The next place I would like to take you is Cindy’s website. It is called Make Love Not Porn. Before clicking this link I want to let you know that I think the site name is a little misleading. Just the sound of it sort of makes you think that she is down on pornography. In fact it is quite the opposite. While Cindy advocates pornography, her mission here is to educate us in the fact that while sex on the screen looks amazing and wonderful and fun, it’s simply not the way we typically have sex. Because our younger generations are growing up on a diet of easily available porn on the web, they are getting the wrong ideals about sex. This has a trickle down effect and is beginning to leave some with feelings of inadequacy and the nagging feeling that their sex life is somehow “off” because is doesn’t equal the sex they watch. In the end this is leaving us in a state of dissatisfaction over something that is suppose to be one of the most wonderful things in life. Here is the link to the site. www.makelovenotporn.com
The last direction to point you is to an audio podcast. (Again, ‘WARNING” these links will take you to sites with explicit adult language and pictures) This podcast has Dan Savage, host of the Savage Love Cast, interviewing Cindy in a very open and explicit conversation about her mission. This audio will truly inform you about what Cindy is up to and I think might even bring you over to her side of the fence. Here is the link to the audio. Savage Love Cast Episode #308 with Cindy Gallop
I will leave you right here. There is a host of information for you to absorb if you desire. It is my hope that you will keep an open mind and join us in this most critical effort.